Pregnancy, to share or not share?

The moment you find out you are pregnant comes with a multitude of emotions. Whether it's a missed period, the pregnancy test or just that innate knowledge inside you, it is never just a single feeling. Happy, sad, scared, excited, anxious, joyful, shocked. A planned pregnancy anticipated for months or years will still come with a landslide of emotions tumbling around you before it settles into the primary sentiment. That's just the complexity of human nature.

So now you know you are pregnant, you have processed, it is happening. When do you tell the world? By the world, I mean anyone other than yourself. Commonly people tell their partners, and a few close loved ones shortly after they find out. Sharing their excitement or even to help process the information. As they reach 12 weeks, the first dating scans and into the second trimester, they let people outside of their inner circle and friends on social media know.

The first trimester can be fragile; 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester. A big reason why many people wait till after this time. However, this doesn't make it wrong to tell people before. If you are excited and bursting with joy about your pregnancy and can't hold it in, you may want to tell everyone you see. And in the heartbreaking possibility of miscarrying, people knowing or not knowing will not take away this hurt and sadness. What could be more difficult is to notify people of what has happened. Or seeing someone at a later date that you had forgotten you had told, and they ask how far along you are or another pregnancy-related question and it brings back your pain to that moment.

Pregnancy is a special time; you are growing a whole human inside you! Baking the most delicious and delightful bun in the world, who's timer will beep off at just the right time. We often have little or no control as to when it will be ready. There is no correct time to announce. No one knows your heart or emotional composition of the moment. But the main thing is that you protect your peace, try to be as stress-free as possible and enjoy it! Whether it is your first pregnancy, your last pregnancy or slap bang in the middle of building your family. You know what works for you.

When I was pregnant with my baby boy, I only told my partner and my parents in the first trimester. Emotionally, I could not process anyone else's thoughts or opinions on the matter. Once I had gone into the second trimester, I told one or two close friends but still did not feel ready to share. I did a whole Kylie Jenner! I was basking in my little bubble of privacy and pregnancy joy, and every second was so precious, but I was also aware I was emotionally fragile. So I just needed my sacred little bubble.

Two years later, and I am pregnant again, and it feels different. I am in another place emotionally. I am filled with all the same joyful emotions of my first pregnancy, the moments of anxiety and nervousness going through the first trimester. The busyness of running after a toddler and battling severe headaches and morning sickness - Cherish that first pregnancy, you can't just take a nap when you are tired when you have another baby! However, this time I felt like I wanted to be more open with it. I told a few people, as and when I spoke to them, shared my exciting news and reminded them it still early days, but I'm feeling optimistic. When I reached my second trimester, I spontaneously decided to post a video on my Instagram telling my friends I was expecting a baby girl. It didn't mean this pregnancy was any less precious than my first; I just felt in a different place and felt comfortable to share.

The only right time to announce or not announce your pregnancy is how you are feeling. Growing a whole human inside you is one of the most complex, unique, physically, emotionally and mentally extraordinary thing women can do. And we can do a lot! The important thing is to find your happy, protect your peace, and try to stay as positive and stress-free throughout the journey. Some pregnancies may come with complications, and some may be easy-breezy physically but not so much mentally. We are optimistic all will be well, but aware that unfortunately, that is not always so. Telling people or not telling people cannot erase hurt, but it may be easier to process. We are lucky that people relay their stories, and we have knowledge, information, and connections to know that we are not alone in the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. However, we must do what is right for us, be kind to ourselves and share or not share when we are ready.