The Baby is NOT Crying Over Milk but Mommy is

I dreamed of breastfeeding; I rocked in a plush comfy armchair in a blush pink fabulous nursery, gazing down at my beautiful baby girl. It was something I had always looked forward to. I never did get the rocking chair, and my nursery is modern, with clean lines, where I hold close my sweet baby boy instead, but I do LOVE breastfeeding. The convenience of not having to carry and prepare bottles and the fact that it is free makes me love it even more.

August is a national breastfeeding month, and it has made me reflect on my breastfeeding journey. It has become second nature now, a pushup bra is something of nostalgia, and my son will crawl up and have a little snack if he so much gets a whiff of breast milk. However, it was not always this carefree. That first week I would give a sharp inhale before he would open his mouth to latch.

When I was pregnant, there was a niggling fear in my head that I may not be able to breastfeed. An estimated 1- 5% of women are unable to breastfeed, which must be devastating if it is something you longed for. Many women choose not to breastfeed for a variety of reasons, which is rightfully their choice. There are so many other ways to create intimacy and bond with your child, not only nursing. Holding your baby close and looking deep into their eyes, you feel the gravity bringing you closer together. 

My favourite and most informative class while pregnant was a breastfeeding workshop; dolls, biology class diagrams, and awkward photos included. It was so helpful. Top three things I learned; 1. There are multiple ways to position the baby when feeding, do what's comfortable for you. 2. You may not produce any milk for three days. However, small amounts of liquid gold called colostrum come out, which is sufficient for the baby's needs in those early days. 3. If you can get past the first eight days, you are home free. (I would correct that to ten days.)

Breastfeeding is so bloody painful that first week! Honestly, it can and most probably will bring tears to your eyes. Ugly crying face for sure! My friend had likened it to pulling glass through the nipple. I wouldn't disagree. My baby, Noah, had no trouble latching, from the moment he was born and placed on my chest, where he remained for 2 hours. In about 30 minutes, he had wiggled himself to my nipple, latching instantly. My heart was full, and I felt so lucky that he had gone there straight away. I just stared down at him in awe and soaked up every second.

Nipple cream is your friend. My breasts were so sore that nipple shields barely took the edge off, they were a little fiddly, so I didn't bother with them much.  If the water touched me in the shower and I hadn't put enough nipple balm on to protect me, it was like drops of acid. The number 8 was keeping me strong; as each day passed, It slowly got better. 

Then the mastitis came. I woke up with a fever and was unable to lift my arms. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I cried to my mom that I couldn't raise the baby, and my hubby had to lift him into my arms. In my mind and through google searches, I had concluded that I must have some form of internal bleeding and now an infection. I struggled to the bathroom, my breasts throbbing. It felt like there was a hard rock inside. As I looked in the mirror, I saw my left boob was bright red—another google search, and  I diagnosed mastitis. I called my midwife, and she told me to put a warm cloth on the breast, take a hot shower, drink lots of water, and continue to breastfeed, although painful. If I didn't feel better in the morning, to come in. I did all of these things, and they worked. By the next day, I started to feel better, and the pain subsided. 

When you hit the ten-day mark, you should have a party. A big slice of cake and a congratulatory balloon! You made it! You don't have a party though as you forget about it and the struggle of the first few days, the scabs, and the tenderness. It is now second nature, and you whip the tits out no problem! You have new things to think about now, like sleep, and reflux. 

The boobie buffet is always open! I'm not the - excuse myself to go into another room and feed mom. I'm also not the - nips out first, then gets the baby to the breast (could be a couple of minutes later) mom either. I guess I am somewhere in between. I will feed at a restaurant, in a park, library, wherever we are, if the baby is hungry. I try to be discreet with the nipple, I can say I have mastered my timing now, but I also do not cover Noah's head on purpose unless he's snug in his wrap or needs to be cosy. I won't be embarrassed if someone accidentally sees my nipple, it wasn't my intention. I'm just trying to nourish my baby. 

There is so much to think about as a new mom; juggling this new role, going through physical healing, and the emotional, hormonal roller coaster, you have no time for other people's opinions or to be worrying about a nip slip! Your way is the right way. Happy breastfeeding month!